kicks in after only so much. it's hard to take in all this rejection. i mean, last semester i got called back to the biggest shows at berklee for vocalists, Singer's Showcase and Singer's Night... and didn't make the shows, but i was like its ok this is my first semester theres always next.
this semester i got called back again to both, and at the showcase callbacks i was like ok if i dont make it, its ok theres always singers night. and my accompanist for the showcase auditions, enrico, told me that showcase is pretty big, and i have a great chance to make it into singers night playing "little piece of home".
so i did it, and the 4 judges who were in there said they loved it. the main woman in charge was like "do you have that song recorded? we need to get you in the studio here and put some strings or somethin on that" and i was like havin a good vibe like yeah for sure im down! i'll see ya'll later!
i was feelin really good, went out to dinner with my friend loren who also got a callback (and later made the show) and i was havin a feeling about this callback. and now i didnt wanna get my hopes up too much, but there was definitely somethin in the back of my head that was like "aj, this is your time."
i checked the official LIST of the people who made it on the 3rd floor of the 1140 building with my friend Luis who had made it already. i wasn't on there. i looked at him and said 'represent for us cats who didnt make it, do ur thing bro' and went back downstairs.
now i know having a positive attitude about all this stuff is whats supposed to happen... but sometimes i can only handle so much... i mean i'm ALWAYS getting called back and i know ur probably thinking "at least you got a callback"... but damn its like, why do they keep calling me back and wasting my time when they say that it was really great and awesome but dont end up choosing me for some other factor.. like they already knew that they weren't putting me in the show... like 'hey maybe this kids got somethin! lets give him a callback.... *2 days later at callbacks*.. oh never mind'.
ok so maybe im just angry, but i came to BERKLEE in BOSTON to SHINE and STAND OUT because this was a place that didn't know my music... a place where i was not known at all and a place where i just was willing to start over and just spread my music and my name...
if berklee's not giving me a chance to shine, then damn i just need to move on... and make music for the WORLD instead of worrying about some show that doesn't even mean anything to the rest of the world...
california is lookin' like a really good place to be right now. i feel like im suffocating in this freezing, cold-ass weather just to be turned away by people who can't see the music in my eyes and in my performance... i just wanna make it already.
i will make it. i promise you...
a song that helps bring me up when i'm feelin down.
MUSIC IS THE UNIVERSE's WAY OF COMMUNICATING.
MUSIC IS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE ANYMORE IN THIS WORLD.
MUSIC IS THE REASON WHY I AM HERE.